So I decided many months ago that when I’d get married, I’d change my name. My maiden will supplant my middle and I’ll take on what my husband and I jokingly refer to as my Owner Name. We joke because, well, honestly we were both a little surprised that I made such a traditional choice. I was raised by parents, on their second and third marriages each, who weren’t very traditional about such matters, and there were many combinations of names in our family.

I have been completely 100% comfortable with the decision since I made it. I didn’t really expect to have any qualms about the transition once it took place. I even thought it might be exciting.

Well, I am still comfortable with the decision, but its weird. Every time I force myself to use my new name, I feel a little bit like I’m lying. When people ask me my new name or use it in conversation in a *wink, wink* kind of way, I smile, but inside I feel a little confused, a little uneasy, and a little sad. It takes me a second or two to remember: Yeah, that’s me. I know people are being nice, acknowledging my recent marriage, that its a big transition, that they know my new name. I get that they are being nice. It just feel weird, is all.

I’ve started using my new Margo Maiden Owner name in my signature at work but haven’t gone through the official channels yet (its on the To-Do) list. I have changed my personal email account to Margo.M.Ownername and announced it to friends. I guess friends have started using my Owner Name but then, how often do friends call you by anything other than your first name? Oh yeah, and I made an appointment at the hair salon under my Owner Name last weekend. Hee.

I have gotten the forms and such together that I need to use to go change my name legally with the Social Security Administration and then the DMV. I am going to start calling the banks and credit cards after that. My passport will probably be the last thing to change since I am going to Montreal in July, with tickets already purchased under my maiden name and (1) I don’t want to risk a delay in getting my passport back if I send it off right now, and (2) I don’t want to deal with calling up the airline and changing the names on the ticket and having that possibly be an issue what with airline and border security these days.

I have to actually go to the Social Security office and stand in line. Then on another day, go to the DMV and stand in line. Then, once I am armed with official documents, call a bunch of strangers (one of the things I most hate doing in life). Mail off documentation (including one of the two original copies of my marriage license!) for my passport. Fax documentation to our insurance company. I have no idea what I’ll need to do at work and for my health insurance. What a hassle. At least I only have to do it once.

I’m glad I’m keeping my maiden name as my middle because I’m feeling strangely mournful about “losing” it. I know I’m not “losing” anything; I’m changing to a team name and I’m not at all ambivalent about that. I just didn’t expect to feel any kind of emotion about it, just to have to deal with the hassle.