Posted by: margo | October 3, 2008

sewing

Growing up, I loved to sew. I spent many summers at my grandmother’s house, making doll clothes and eventually, people clothes for myself and my sisters. When I was about 14, I made an entire silk-satin floor-length prom dress for my 17-year-old stepsister’s best friend. It took me months of sewing by hand, since I did not own a sewing machine. A few years later, I made my own homecoming dress out of a dark silvery polyester satin, also painstakingly cut and constructed by hand. Through the years since then, I have modified many store-bought items of clothing to fit my very short, plus-sized body (and my bizarrely huge upper arms– even plus-sized clothing at or above my size rarely fit me in the biceps if the item is meant to be close-fitting there). One year for a Christmas present, I spent the better part of six months designing, constructing, and quilting a throw-sized quilt for my stepmother.  I would consider myself a moderately skilled intermediate sewer.

However, I have rarely used a sewing machine. I used my grandmother’s 50+ year-old machine a bit when I was younger, but I always gravitated to the more peaceful rhythm of hand-sewing (which probably explains my current knitting obsession, too). A couple years ago, I bought a sewing machine on little more than a whim when I stumbled across it, on deep-discount at a Target. I used it once or twice since then, and in the process misplaced the manual *doh* and completely lost all knowledge of how to put the bobbin back in the machine so the stupid thing would work.

Lately I’ve been wanting to get my hands dirty with some sewing projects; partially for necessity and partially for fun. I am definitely going to spend some time this weekend asking the internet to help me re-learn how to thread my stupid machine, and do a few hems on some items that have been laying about giving me the hairy eyeball. Also, I found this:

Make Your Own Dress Form

Seriously. How awesome is that? I am so doing that. I will wait ’til the hubs gets home, I suppose, since I need someone to help me with the duct-taping. Mine, however, will extend to at least my elbows so as to accomodate my Popeye arms. I swear, I modify more clothing to work around those stupid things than even hems, and I’m 5′1″!

I love, love, love homemade quilts and hope to get into that more thoroughly once I have done some work bringing my machine-sewing skills up to the par with my hand-sewing skills. The piecing, at least, is sooooooo tedious without a machine. If any part of a quilt should be done by hand, its that part. I can see the appeal of doing all the quilting by hand, though.

Also, I know this is crazy, but I have been entertaining ideas of getting into the cloth-diapering craze as a seller. They are all the rage these days, and I have found plenty of online resources with tutorials on how to make them, recommendations on the appropriate fabrics and notions, and I think its a market that I could really succeed in. Also, knitted “soakers” (they don’t get soaked, they are actually water-resistant covers that go over the absorbant cloth diapers) are also very popular and I could do both! Sew diapers and knit soakers. Way fun. And this seems like a great place to start for practice:

Fern and Faerie Tutorial

I have so much old, abused clothing lying about its embarassing. I could cut ‘em up for practice both with diaper construction and with sewing machine use without nary a qualm. And maybe in a few months, once I get good, I could invest in some “real” cloth-diapering materials, and set up a system whereby I give my prototypes out for free to parents who are willing to exchange their feedback for free diapers, feedback I will then use to improve my patterns and techniques. Down the line, in as little as a year, I think I could incorporate, design a logo for my biz, and have an Etsy storefront up and running. I am not envisioning it as a career, but as a fun diversion to (hopefully) at least not lose money doing. And an excuse to buy more yarn and fabric to play with. :)

Posted by: margo | September 26, 2008

oh hai

Man, that summer just disappeared down the rabbit-hole.

But! I am back and better than ever. Back in the swing of things at work, taking classes in the evening and letting the A’s roll in, wearing my fat pants. Yeah, more on that later.

A couple weeks ago I joined a crocheting/knitting group. They meet on Tuesday evenings at a Barnes and Noble, and sit in cafe for three or four hours, chatting and knitting until the bookstore closes. Since I have had ample opportunity to show my stuff off, and encouragement to knit more regularly than I am used to, I have amassed quite the pile of works-in-progress:

* one set of socks with the first sock complete, second sock not yet cast on
* one set of socks with the first sock about half-complete
* one hat, knit for husband, which has proven too small for his giant head, to be frogged and re-knit
* one scarf, knit for a friend’s Christmas gift, actually completed to my astonishment
* one sweater (my first!) for myself, about 85% complete
* one shawl (my first!) for… someone else if it looks good or me if it doesn’t, about 33% complete
* one baby blanket, about 85% complete, for the pile of future baby shower gifts

If anyone is interested at seeing these lovelies, I am MargoC on Ravelry.com (another new, knitting-related obsession of mine).

The classes I’m taking this semester are Anatomy & Physiology I, which includes a laboratory component, and Medical Terminology. I’m having a really good time with both. I was a little worried about the A&P class, but honestly, its so much fun. Even the kids (oh, and several of them are kids) in my lab group are nice to me and professed astonishment at my claim that I’m 29, going on 30 in a few short months. And, I love school. I always have. I love being back in that environment.

I love being married and I feel like me and the hubs have our whole wide world ahead of us. What an amazing awesome thing to have!

Posted by: margo | May 22, 2008

plans

Nature really abhors a vaccuum. Like, hates it bad.

No sooner have I completed a wedding and an exam than I have a monstrous to-do list and I didn’t even mean to! It just happened! And far, far too many are “wannas” not “gottas.”

Gottas:
* Wedding thank-you cards
* Visit my grandparents
* Decide on a new career
* Apply to new school
* A very serious spring-cleaning
* Alert the bank & credit cards to my new name (the other name-change items have been addressed)

Wannas:
* Negotiate the runs for not one but TWO Galloway running groups this season
* Revamp my workout routine to include _______ (insert any number of options I’ve been toying with)
* Learn how to use my “new” camera (a used but very decent 35mm SLR)
* Maybe even take a photography class
* Work on a garden this summer– already started with two tomato plants, a strawberry plant, a basil plant, a parsley plant, a cilantro plant, plus some seeds started in a little greenhouse kit, and a replacement begonia for the one my friend Erika gave me that I accidentally killed
* However, my gardening ambitions are all het up and we did some yard work last weekend, and now I’ll all hot and bothered about ripping up and weeding some sections of my front yard and planting bigger and better things, which can only end in heartbreak any way you slice it since the house I live in is rented
* Take husband and dog hiking every weekend husband is home
* Buy bicycles so as to spend more time with husband doing active things
* Take another drawing class, since I really enjoyed and did well with the first one
* Complete some half-finished knitting projects and start some new ones
* Journal daily (I’ve been doing it this week) to help with some Brain Renovations
* Finish up some of the Brain Renovation books I’ve been reading
* Organize bookshelves and donate books we don’t want to keep
* Reorganize kitchen cabinets
* Clean out the dining room desk
* Purge unwearable/unloved clothing and donate it
* Make a real and sensible list of the summer clothing basics I need

As you can see, the “Wanna” list is pretty out of control. Good thing I have a three-day weekend in which to procrastinate and accomplish little and end up feeling worser about myself at the end of it!

Posted by: margo | May 2, 2008

fresh, clean and new

Yeah, welcome to my revamp. The header is a shot taken on our honeymoon when we were in Queenstown, New Zealand.

I am trying to import my old posts from Version 1.0 but its not looking good. I have insufficient smarts. We may be starting over from a clean slate. But then, who doesn’t enjoy that once in a while?

UPDATE: My friend Jaime is wicked smart. THANKS JAIME! I know the picture links are broken, I’ll fix those shortly, because the general public will be waited with bated breath for restored access to my awesome photography skills. If anyone else notices anything else broken, let me know, kids. Thanks!

Posted by: margo | May 1, 2008

passion

I have a long, long list of blogs I read. One of my favorites is The Simple Dollar. The writer, Trent, blogs about his personal journey to responsibly managing finances (a topic near and dear to my heart as many of my close friends might know). I have to admit that although I enjoy his blog, there are some things he advises that I don’t agree with, or I think that he oversteps his knowledge a little. But shouldn’t anyone who reads the advice of others take it with a grain of salt? I think Trent’s appeal can be largely attributed to his style, which is open and conversational rather than stodgy and journalistic, and the fact that he doesn’t shy from divulging candid accounts of own family’s choices and struggles with managing their finances. I really do recommend his blog to any of my friends that are interested in personal finance.

The other day he wrote to a reader who wanted advice on achieving his dream: becoming a professional golfer. I found the advice compelling (if not exactly groundbreaking) because it is something I struggle with: I want to know what my “passion” is and I yearn to be good at something, rather than just mediocre.

Of course, I always have these little crises while studying for professional exams. I’m really not being overly modest when I saw that I am not a superstar at my chosen profession. I get by, but I’m below average in terms of achievement, and boy, is that a tough burden to carry around. Maybe because, in general, I am of above average intelligence (when compared to much wider swath of the population than the extremely niche group that goes into my profession), and being reminded that I am below average every day at work is a tough pill for me to swallow. I’ve always been, well, pretty much at the head of the class. Its extremely disheartening for me to go into work every day and be a “ditch-digger,” when there are younger, less experienced analysts working all around me, having more success, getting farther in their careers, reaping all the recognition and awards.

Is being below average a good enough reason to switch careers? How about having a bruised ego from realizing where I am– and will almost certainly stay– at the bottom of the dogpile? Should I just try harder, keep my head down and my shoulders in the harness, and be happy to bring home my solidly middle class paychecks?

Those questions would be easier to answer if I knew where my passions lay. I would love to have something that inspired me enough to take the leap, go back to school, take a huge paycut– whatever. Whatever would make it worth it. But I have far too much self-doubt in my own abilities to trust my instincts on the things that do seem to compel me. Some of the career moves I’ve considered I’d be plain embarassed to explain to all of my smart, ambitious, motivated professional friends and coworkers.

I am lucky that my husband (god, its still weird to say that) has a well-paying career. If I told him I’d like to quit my job and go work at a daycare for $8 an hour, he’d be a little shocked– but if he thought it would make me happy, he’d be the biggest promoter of that plan. I’m also fortunate that if I wanted to go back to school and study something else (my undergrad has almost 0% interest for me now, and is completely unrelated to my current profession), we’d have the resources to handle that, as well. Its almost like I am paralyzed by choice.

In the meantime, I am slumped over in my saddle, trying to get through these last 12 days before my next professional exam. Maybe over the summer I can spend more time examining myself and my inclinations, without the distractions I’ve had going on lately.

Could anyone just please tell me what I should do with my life?!

Posted by: margo | April 30, 2008

anecdote

I haven’t wanted to fill my blog up with wedding nonsense. Mostly because, before the wedding, it was occupying way too much of my consciousness, awake and asleep. There are some memories, of course, that I’d rather not lose. Memories that aren’t necessarily captured on film.

We have a border collie, Dexter. He gets adorably excited when Fronzel and I come home, and he does these huuuuuge jumps because he’s so thrilled to see us. As a kind of private joke between us, Fronzel started to do little jumps when we saw each other, especially if we’d been apart a while, for example when I picked him up from the airport after a long work trip. I love this little thing between us.

The weeks before the wedding were especially stressful. I had a lot of anxiety, and it basically just reached a crescendo on the day of the wedding. I had alot of anxiety about walking into a crowd full of people, of doing something so personally meaningful in front of a crowd (albeit of very close, loving friends and family).

The wedding was at a small historic house we rented; the ceremony on the brick patio out back. To walk up the “aisle,” I had to walk around the right side of the house, turn left and walk behind some guests, and turn right to head up to the “altar.” An eternity happened in the few moments I stood, frozen, out of sight, on the side of the house, when it was time for me to walk in and there was nothing to do but walk. Fronzel knows me really well, and he knew that at that moment, I was having a series of small strokes, heart attacks, and religious epiphanies, trying to make myself do it: Walk. Around. The. Corner.

Somehow I gathered my wits, somehow I walked around the corner, turned. The harpist’s music, which I was later told was quite lovely, fell on my deaf ears. I was petrified, I could feel all one hundred and fifty eyes on me. I walked. And I willed every ounce of my being not to trip on my dress or an uneven brick seam. I walked along behind the crowd, which even in my three-inch heels blocked my view of the altar. I reached the center aisle, and turned to continue. I looked up, wanting to lock eyes with Fronzel, wanting something to bring me back to the ground.

Fronzel saw me looking at him, and he jumped.

Just a little jump, something probably no one but me noticed, because all one hundred and fifty eyes were planted on me. But I knew that jump meant, “I am so excited to see you!” I knew he was offering me some levity, something to break the tension inside of myself. I knew it was just for me. It was one million times better than any soap-opera tears. It nearly broke my heart. I got the best one out there.

Posted by: margo | April 21, 2008

I have the cutest kitties ever

Posted by: margo | April 17, 2008

thrifty things we already do

1. Pet supplies

We used to buy the large 35-lb plastic tubs of cat litter, the sandy kind. I like this type because unlike the clay pebbles, you can use it a lot longer (with scooping periodically). My cats are not excessively picky so they get a full change every two weeks, and two or three scoopings in between the full changes. I like the tubs because they are easy to use during full changes or to do a “top off” after a scooping. I usually get Tidy Cats if its on sale and I’m at Target, or store-brand at Publix. However, Fronzel noticed at Target one day that you can buy the Tidy Cats sandy kind of litter in large plastic 25-lb bags, for much cheaper! So he suggested we save a couple plastic tubs (3) and buy the bags instead! Now, instead of paying $11 – $13 for 35 lbs of litter ($0.31 to $0.37 per lb), we pay less than $5 for 25 lbs of litter ($0.19 per lb). All the credit for this idea is Fronzel’s.

Our dog Dexter eats a specialty brand of dry dog food. To tell the truth, I didn’t even choose it– its just what they were feeding him at the shelter he was at. But, I have since discovered that pricier dog foods that are made without cheap filler ingredients can actually win the budget contest, because you need to feed more cheap food to fill your dog up and provide him with the nutrition he needs. Also, for thrift and convenience, we buy the largest bag they sell when we buy his food and keep it in a huge tupperware-type container. Lastly, I am never afraid to give him leftovers in lieu of his meal when they are just getting too close to going over the edge. (We never feed him from the table, only in his bowl at his designated meal time, and only things that are healthy for a dog– generally meat, rice, and veggies other than onions.)

I order the flea and heartworm medications online to save money. Although, strangely enough, we had a huge Frontline failure in our house a couple months ago so now Dexter is on a different topical flea medication (Promeris– its working great) and the cats (inside only) are on the cheap, old-fashioned flea collars! I am well aware that once spring kicks into high gear the cats may have to go back on a topical monthly flea treatment but I was surprised that the collars worked when Frontline quit working.

2. Eat leftovers, pack lunches, drink free coffee

Seriously, I know people that don’t eat leftovers. Its a little insane, but whatever. I try to only eat out with coworkers about once a week, and pack my lunches the rest of the week. For those lunches, I reuse the small-size handled paper bags I often get shopping. I tend to buy large bags of snack foods, and then repackage them into smaller Ziplocs (i.e. I avoid the 100-calorie packs– a brilliant marketing ploy because they are wicked expensive). I re-use Ziplocs for things like pita bread, crackers, nuts– dry items that don’t grody up the bag. I am also an unrepentant Starbucks drinker, but I try to restrict myself to one grande skinny cinnamon dolce latte per week, and the other days I drink the free K-cup coffee at work, which isn’t terrible, but isn’t mmmmmmmStarbucks.

3. Studying at home

This go-round, I have been studying at home. This saves me tons of money because I usually study at coffee shops. Where I buy coffee because, hey, I’m taking up tablespace, and also give nice tips, and sometimes buy food when I get hungry. Coffee made at home and snacks from my own kitchen are cheaper and usually lighter on calories.

4. Household linens

I know some people are going to be appalled at my slovenly habits, but I use the same two towels every day for a week before washing them. This means I need to own fewer towels, and that I wash them less. Also, I use kitchen towels for most non-disgusting cleanup jobs, and wash and reuse them regularly, rather than buying insane quantities of paper towels that get thrown away every time I dry my hands. (I’ve been training Fronzel– with a spray bottle of water like I use on the cats– to use kitchen towels in place of paper towels, too.) I buy kitchen sponges for the dishes and wash them in the dishwasher every few days to keep them fresh, and pitch them about once a month for new ones.

5. Grocery shopping

I know I poo-pooed my shopping skills just the other day, but there are some grocery-shopping things I already do well. For starters, I almost always make a list, and I am usually pretty good about sticking to it. Certain things, like cereal, I will go down the aisle and see what’s on sale– and usually buy a type simply because it is on sale that day. When Lean Cuisines (o, how hate and love them!) are on sale, I stock up, and try to avoid them when they are regularly-priced. I buy larger quantities of meat and fish, and freeze portions that I won’t use right away. I buy “disposable” sport-bottles of water, but refill and reuse them for months and months at a time before I replace them. I make Fronzel buy cans, rather than 20-oz. bottles of Coke, because they are generally cheaper.

6. Clothing

I am not on either extreme end of the girl-clothes-shopping-spectrum: I buy clothing regularly, but I’m by no means a fashion hound. Lately I’ve been making efforts to buy higher-quality items, especially for work-wear, that will look professional and last longer. Any clothing I buy just for fun comes out of my own “fun money” and not the general budget, which is supposed to discourage my frivolous purchases that happen just because I’m feeling down and decide that buying something to make me feel pretty is the way to improve my mood. Also, if one is well-endowed? Buying pricey but well-fitted bras are possibly the best money I’ve ever spent on an article of clothing.

7. Vehicles

Fronzel has a truck and I have a car. Well, okay, its a “crossover SUV” but its the size of a sedan and gets sedan-range gas mileage. My car was purchased recently, but we shopped around hardcore. We are paying a ludicrously low 0.7% interest on a car we got for 3% below invoice (including options for even less), and we’re paying it off in a relatively short 3 years (2 to go)! All those things– extremely cheap loan, good deal on the car’s price, paying it off sooner, having a new car with very little in the way of maintenance and repairs required– are saving us money because my 2000 model year car that we traded in a year ago was leaning over the precipice of Major Repairs and we knew it (not to mention was still sporting a disappointingly hefty loan).

We meticulously follow the maintenance schedule. I know from previous used and abused car experiences that it matters in the long run. We plan on keeping my car for 10 years or more– considering we’re just about to finish up 1 year of ownership and we’re just getting to 11,000 miles now, I should think 10 years, barring unusual circumstances, is a very reasonable goal.

We pay the insurance upfront every 6 months. Our insurance company charges you an extra 20% on top of the premium to spread it out to a monthly payment. Major savings there. Right now we have a $500 deductible (required by my 0.7% loan) but once the loan is paid off, we’ll move to a $1,000 deductible. I’ve researched that particular change in the past and if you have the savings to cough up the $1,000 if you need to, the higher deductible almost always saves you a serious amount of money in the long run.

My car, being smaller, lighter, and newer than Fronzel’s truck, gets much better gas mileage. We go almost everywhere in my car– which saves us money at the pump, and will make Fronzel’s 2000 model year truck last alot longer than if we were putting serious miles on it. The poor thing only gets taken out a couple times a week when Fronzel is home for lunch or errands while I’m at work. Also, we’ve made a deal that, barring highly unusual circumstances, we aren’t replacing his until mine is paid off, and we’re saving upfront for it– hopefully to buy in cash when we’re ready.

Also, and this might seem trivial, but we are going to put cosmetic work into both vehicles. The truck has a crack in the windshield, and we’re planning to replace it in a few months. About once a year I’d like to get both vehicles professionally cleaned, inside and out. (We do wash them at home now and again, but not lately, given the drout!) I think having a well-maintained, clean vehicle in good condition will make it easier for us to avoid the temptation to turn in an “old” vehicle for a brand-spanking-new vehicle– at least, for a longer amount of time. I think the minimal expense of those cleanings will pay off in keeping our vehicles for a much longer time.

8. Insurance

We both have good PPO health insurance, a vision insurance plan, and dental insurance. I am already “in the black” on both the health insurance and vision insurance, as I use my benefits there regularly. I need to find some courage and take advantage of my dental insurance.

9. Retirement savings

We both contribute significantly to our employer-provided 401(k) plans, at a level around 15% EACH (including employer matches). This is more important than most people realize, to put this kind of money aside while you are young and can easily afford it– that money is going to sit around, doing your work for you, gathering interest– so that if you ever stumble into dire financial straits and need to stop contributing, you’ll have gotten ahead while you could. I tell anyone who will listen to take the hit now and just get used to it. Its well worth it in the long run.

10. Netflix

Okay. It is $17 a month I could technically cut out of the budget. But you know what? That is cheaper than ONE trip to our local movie theater ($20 these days for two adults). It is also (generally) cheaper than one DVD from the rack at Target, and one of us *whistles tunelessly* used to have a very, very bad habit of slinging a small handful of DVDs in the basket whenever we were there. That kinda thing adds up and we have the groaning shelves of DVDs to prove it. And, considering my life management skills, its loads and loads cheaper than hitting a rental store (how quaint!) and then paying weeks of late fees. I guarantee we make out better throwing $200ish *gulp* Netflix’s way than we would if we cancelled our subscription.

Posted by: margo | April 14, 2008

saving

So after we got engaged, we kind of put saving for our first house on hold. In fact, we ended up (although we tried very hard not to) raiding some of our house-savings to pay for wedding expenses. I think we did a really good job of staying within our means, but the fact remains that weddings and honeymoons come with hefty price-tags.

We are back on-track with house-savings. And we need to save A LOT of money. We have a budget. During the engagement, the budget was basically: paychecks minus rent, bills, and ramen noodles; balance to wedding/honeymoon. Now its a little more complex, especially since we’ve combined finances in a slightly different way than they were before.

So! I am designating May to be savings exercise. I am going to have to pay the rent and nonvariable utilities at their current levels. I will try to do the following things both to save money and to determine if I am properly budgeting for these categories:

1. Variable utilities- May is a good month to avoid running the A/C, to open windows when its breezy instead. Any month is a good one to be more cautious about turning off all lights and unplugging unnecessary appliances before leaving the house. I can be more conscientious about laundry loads, making sure I am running full loads and not overdrying clothing.

2. Grocery bills
- I have to admit, I never budget for food. I buy what I want, when I feel like it, even when raspberries are $5.99 at Publix (and maybe 1/3 of that at the farmer’s market). I buy the expensive brand-name stuff if I have even the smallest preference for it. I don’t ever bother with coupons. For kicks, Fronzel looked at our bank account the other day and told me how much, in total, we’ve spent at Publix (our main grocery store) since the beginning of 2008. Its a pretty appalling number.

So! I am going to spend May trying to:
a) Clean out the pantry– use things that have been gathering dust in there to make meals. When I buy X perishable ingredient for one meal, try to find another meal to use the rest of it up in.
b) Set a grocery budget and stick to it– this probably means cash in an envelope.
c) Make the effort to shop where I can get the best deal– i.e. for fruits, vegetables, some dairy and meat items at the farmer’s market; non-perishables at the regular grocery.
d) Shop more frugally– i.e. stock up on chicken breasts when they are on sale, buy in larger quantities when it makes sense, avoid pricey items when something cheaper would do the job. Maybe even *gasp* try some coupons!
e) Stick to the list when shopping, so I am not led astray by my greedy eyeballs.

3. Non-grocery household items- I am highly irresponsible with things like the tupperware aisle at Target. We did a Costco trip not too long ago so we are stocked up on the absolute essentials like soap, paper towels, toilet paper. I might be able to go the whole month without suckering myself into something like a new Swiffer mop or the like.

4. Eating out- We eat out all the time, whenever we feel like it, whenever I don’t feel like cooking, whenever I work late, whenever I haven’t adequately planned for the week’s meals. And we rarely factor in the relative costs of restaurants when we do so. I’d like to avoid eating out as much as possible in May. Its pretty hard to anticipate where to set “as much as possible” bar, since I think its important to have dates (me and Fronzel), especially when he’s been eating crappy African food for a month. I also have some stuff coming up like an actuarial exam– there are BOUND to be late nights when the best option– the option that allows me to keep studying– is snagging a Chick-fil-A on the way home. And the unavoidable post-exam extravaganza. And eating out with coworkers, about once a week, which isn’t that expensive, but that is something I consider a necessary expense because it definitely promotes networking and being “part of the group” has major career benefits.

What I’d really like to do is cut out some of the lazy eat-outings, when I just haven’t planned properly or I’m sick of leftovers, and to be cautious about what we spend when we do go out. Things like taking a bottle of tap water in the car with me when running errands, instead of snagging a $2 bottle because I’m thirsty when we’re already out (same goes for Fronzel and Cokes).

I won’t be able to compare May to April to see how much better we do in May, because we were away for the whole first week of April– really not fair. But then, I might find it discouraging if it ends up not being the huge difference I hoped for, or if there were too many variables I was unable to control for. But I can use the May totals to set a reasonable budget to try to live by, something like a goal. Obviously, the A/C IS going on in June, but that doesn’t mean that I won’t be more conscientious about how much it is on.

Posted by: margo | April 11, 2008

name change

So I decided many months ago that when I’d get married, I’d change my name. My maiden will supplant my middle and I’ll take on what my husband and I jokingly refer to as my Owner Name. We joke because, well, honestly we were both a little surprised that I made such a traditional choice. I was raised by parents, on their second and third marriages each, who weren’t very traditional about such matters, and there were many combinations of names in our family.

I have been completely 100% comfortable with the decision since I made it. I didn’t really expect to have any qualms about the transition once it took place. I even thought it might be exciting.

Well, I am still comfortable with the decision, but its weird. Every time I force myself to use my new name, I feel a little bit like I’m lying. When people ask me my new name or use it in conversation in a *wink, wink* kind of way, I smile, but inside I feel a little confused, a little uneasy, and a little sad. It takes me a second or two to remember: Yeah, that’s me. I know people are being nice, acknowledging my recent marriage, that its a big transition, that they know my new name. I get that they are being nice. It just feel weird, is all.

I’ve started using my new Margo Maiden Owner name in my signature at work but haven’t gone through the official channels yet (its on the To-Do) list. I have changed my personal email account to Margo.M.Ownername and announced it to friends. I guess friends have started using my Owner Name but then, how often do friends call you by anything other than your first name? Oh yeah, and I made an appointment at the hair salon under my Owner Name last weekend. Hee.

I have gotten the forms and such together that I need to use to go change my name legally with the Social Security Administration and then the DMV. I am going to start calling the banks and credit cards after that. My passport will probably be the last thing to change since I am going to Montreal in July, with tickets already purchased under my maiden name and (1) I don’t want to risk a delay in getting my passport back if I send it off right now, and (2) I don’t want to deal with calling up the airline and changing the names on the ticket and having that possibly be an issue what with airline and border security these days.

I have to actually go to the Social Security office and stand in line. Then on another day, go to the DMV and stand in line. Then, once I am armed with official documents, call a bunch of strangers (one of the things I most hate doing in life). Mail off documentation (including one of the two original copies of my marriage license!) for my passport. Fax documentation to our insurance company. I have no idea what I’ll need to do at work and for my health insurance. What a hassle. At least I only have to do it once.

I’m glad I’m keeping my maiden name as my middle because I’m feeling strangely mournful about “losing” it. I know I’m not “losing” anything; I’m changing to a team name and I’m not at all ambivalent about that. I just didn’t expect to feel any kind of emotion about it, just to have to deal with the hassle.

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